Shrekking Dating Trend Controversy Explained

“Shrekking” is a controversial dating term describing the practice of deliberately dating someone a person considers less attractive or otherwise “below their standards” because they assume that partner will be more appreciative, loyal or less likely to hurt them. The term, inspired by the animated character Shrek, went viral on TikTok beginning in August 2025 and continued circulating through 2026. Critics have called the idea insulting and dehumanizing because it treats attractiveness as a hierarchy and assumes that a supposedly less desirable partner should be grateful for the relationship. Despite descriptions of Shrekking as a Gen Z or college-age dating trend, there is no evidence showing that it is widespread specifically among college women.

What Does Shrekking Mean?

Shrekking Means Intentionally “Dating Down.” In its most commonly reported meaning, Shrekking occurs when someone dates a person they do not find particularly attractive because they believe being the more desirable partner will give them greater security or power in the relationship. [Merriam-Webster] [Cosmopolitan]

The Strategy Assumes A Less Attractive Partner Will Treat You Better. The logic behind the trend is that someone who believes they are dating “out of their league” will supposedly appreciate the relationship more, remain loyal and make greater efforts to keep their partner happy. Relationship experts have criticized that assumption because physical attractiveness does not determine whether someone will be faithful, kind or emotionally available. [USA Today] [Psychology Today]

Getting “Shrekked” Means The Strategy Backfires. The related expression “getting Shrekked” describes what happens when someone dates a person they believe is beneath their normal standards, expecting superior treatment, but still gets rejected, cheated on, mistreated or heartbroken. [Cosmopolitan] [Daily Dot]

Where Did Shrekking Come From?

The Term Appears To Have Been Popularized By TikToker @jaxitodwyer. Know Your Meme traced the trend to TikTok creator @jaxitodwyer, who posted an August 7, 2025 video joking that attractive women he knew had been traumatized by men who looked like Shrek or Lord Farquaad. A follow-up video referred to the experience as getting “Shrek’d.” [Know Your Meme] [Daily Dot]

Other TikTok Users Quickly Repeated The Idea. Videos subsequently appeared from women describing the experience of giving someone they were not initially attracted to a chance because they expected that person to treat them well, only to be disappointed by the relationship anyway. [Daily Dot] [The New Daily]

Media Coverage Helped Turn The Phrase Into A Recognizable Dating Term. USA Today, Cosmopolitan, Vogue, the Guardian and numerous other publications subsequently covered Shrekking, transforming what began as TikTok slang into a widely discussed piece of Gen Z dating vocabulary. Merriam-Webster added an online slang entry for the term in July 2026. [Merriam-Webster] [Guardian] [Vogue]

Is Shrekking Really A College Women Trend?

There Is No Evidence Showing That Shrekking Is Widespread Among College Women. The phrase has frequently been associated with Gen Z, young women and modern dating, and college-focused publication Her Campus has covered the phenomenon. However, the reporting is primarily based on TikTok posts, interviews and cultural commentary rather than surveys demonstrating that substantial numbers of female college students are deliberately using the strategy. [Her Campus] [Know Your Meme]

Claims That “College Women Are Shrekking” Should Therefore Be Treated Cautiously. College students fall heavily within the Gen Z demographic associated with the term, but describing Shrekking as an established behavior among college women goes beyond the available evidence. It is more accurately described as a viral dating concept discussed by young people online. [Vogue] [Guardian]

The “Pretty Women” Claim

The Original Viral Version Focused Heavily On Attractive Women Dating Less Attractive Men. The earliest videos framed Shrekking around supposedly attractive women who gave men outside their normal physical preferences a chance and then felt especially insulted when those men treated them badly. [Know Your Meme] [Daily Dot]

One Viral Explanation Said Women Expected The Man To Appreciate What He Had. A widely circulated TikTok explanation argued that women sometimes give a man they are not attracted to a chance because they assume he will recognize that he is fortunate to be dating them and consequently treat them better. The speaker then joked about being mistreated by a “troll” anyway. [Daily Dot] [Cosmopolitan]

The Term Is Not Technically Limited To Women Dating Men. Although much of the viral discussion has centered on heterosexual women, the basic concept can apply to anyone who intentionally dates someone they consider less desirable because they believe the imbalance gives them an advantage. [Psychology Today] [PRIDE]

Why Shrekking Is Controversial

Critics Say The Concept Is Cruel To The Person Being “Shrekked.” Describing a partner as a Shrek inherently implies that the person is unattractive and should feel fortunate that someone more desirable agreed to date them. Critics argue that a relationship beginning from that position lacks mutual respect. [Cosmopolitan] [PRIDE]

The Trend Creates A Dating “Caste System” Based On Perceived Value. Cosmopolitan criticized Shrekking for relying on the notion that people possess an identifiable romantic market value determined by appearance, income, age or social status and can therefore objectively be classified as dating “up” or “down.” [Cosmopolitan]

It Assumes Less Attractive People Have Better Personalities. The concept also relies on an unsupported stereotype that conventionally attractive people are more likely to cheat or mistreat partners while less attractive people will be kinder and more loyal. Relationship experts have stressed that physical appearance provides no reliable indication of someone’s character. [USA Today] [India Today]

Relationship Experts Warn Against The Strategy

Dating Coach Amy Chan Said Dating Outside Your Physical Type Is Not The Problem. Chan told USA Today that allowing attraction to develop over time or placing less importance on appearance can be perfectly healthy. The problem arises when someone assumes that choosing a less attractive partner automatically entitles them to better treatment. [USA Today]

Experts Say Shrekking Can Become A Method Of Trying To Control A Relationship. Psychology Today noted that the strategy assumes a recognized dating hierarchy and that the supposedly more attractive person can use their perceived status to maintain the upper hand. [Psychology Today]

Her Campus Expert Emily Thompson Said Relationships Need Genuine Attraction And Mutual Respect. Thompson argued that intentionally “settling” as a strategic choice creates expectations that can easily produce resentment or disappointment. She said healthier relationships develop through authentic compatibility rather than attempts to game romantic power dynamics. [Her Campus]

Jenna Bush Hager Calls Shrekking “Mean”

Jenna Bush Hager Criticized The Trend On Today. During a 2025 discussion of contemporary dating slang, Bush Hager objected to Shrekking and described the concept as mean. Savannah Guthrie similarly criticized the idea of dating someone while privately considering that person inferior. [Decider]

Bush Hager Also Objected To Using Shrek As An Insult. She jokingly defended the animated character, arguing that Shrek himself is lovable rather than an appropriate shorthand for an undesirable romantic partner. [Decider]

The Shrek Comparison Does Not Really Match The Movie

Princess Fiona Does Not Strategically Choose An Inferior Partner In Shrek. Some critics have noted that the dating trend misrepresents the movie it references. Fiona does not choose Shrek because she believes an unattractive man will worship her or give her greater control over the relationship. She develops genuine feelings for him. [Vogue]

Fiona Ultimately Turns Out To Be An Ogre Herself. The movie ends with Fiona permanently taking her ogre form after choosing Shrek, further undermining the idea that the story represents an attractive princess cynically “dating down.” [Vogue]

Shrekking May Be More Meme Than Mass Dating Movement

The Original Term May Have Been More Manufactured Than Organic. Know Your Meme noted that @jaxitodwyer presented “getting Shrekked” as though it were already a new expression going around TikTok even though the site could find little evidence that the phrase had been widely used before his posts. [Know Your Meme]

Media Coverage May Have Helped Create The Trend It Was Reporting On. Once publications began describing Shrekking as a new Gen Z phenomenon, additional creators posted videos discussing it, generating a feedback loop in which coverage of the supposed trend helped popularize the term itself. [Know Your Meme] [Daily Dot]

The Behavior It Describes Is Much Older Than The Name. Dating someone outside one’s normal physical preferences, believing attraction may develop later or deliberately choosing a partner perceived as safer or more attainable predates TikTok. What is new is primarily the Shrek-themed terminology and the social-media framing surrounding it. [USA Today] [Guardian]

Shrekking Resurges In 2026

The Term Continued Circulating Well After Its Initial 2025 Viral Moment. Vogue revisited Shrekking in June 2026, describing it as a TikTok relationship phenomenon centered on trading physical attraction for emotional security and stability. [Vogue]

Merriam-Webster Added Shrekking To Its Slang Coverage. On July 27, 2026, Merriam-Webster published a slang entry defining Shrekking as purposely dating someone considered unattractive because of the theory that the person will make a kinder and more caring partner. [Merriam-Webster]

The Guardian Included Shrekking Among Current Dating Terms In August 2026. The newspaper included the expression in an August 6 guide to contemporary dating terminology, showing that the phrase had remained culturally recognizable nearly a year after it first emerged. [Guardian]

What Shrekking Does Not Mean

Dating Someone Who Is Not Conventionally Attractive Is Not Automatically Shrekking. A person who genuinely likes a partner despite that partner not matching conventional beauty standards is not engaging in the controversial strategy. The defining element is deliberately choosing someone perceived as less desirable because of an expectation that the imbalance will produce better treatment or greater control. [Merriam-Webster] [Vogue]

Prioritizing Personality Over Appearance Is Also Not Necessarily Shrekking. Many people naturally value humor, kindness, emotional compatibility or shared values more strongly than conventional physical attractiveness. Critics of the term argue that equating those relationships with “dating down” merely reinforces the superficial beauty hierarchy Shrekking supposedly rejects. [Vogue] [PRIDE]

Current Status

Shrekking Is Now An Established Piece Of Internet Dating Slang, But Its Prevalence Is Unknown. The term has received extensive media coverage and is recognized by Merriam-Webster, but there is no reliable data showing how many people actually intentionally choose partners using the strategy. [Merriam-Webster] [Guardian]

There Is No Evidence That College Women As A Group Have Adopted Shrekking. The most defensible description is that Shrekking is a TikTok and Gen Z dating meme that has generated debate among young adults, including college-age audiences. Claims that it represents a widespread behavioral shift among female college students are not currently supported by credible research.

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