Right Wing Fantasy Tales! Hillary Clinton Supports The Trans-Pacific Partnership

Right Wing Fantasy Tales! takes you behind the scenes of key media events and tells you the real, totally not made up story of what really went down, as written by Oliver Willis. Click here for more Right Wing Fantasy Tales!


HEADLINE: Hillary Clinton comes out against TPP trade deal

Every evening, Hillary Clinton liked to pore over the list of political enemies she had killed or eliminated in some way over her years in the public eye. It was comforting to her fragile ego to be reminded of the notches on her political belt.

She turned to Bill Clinton, who was engrossed in his Xbox game.

“Bill, I’ve got an idea.”

“Yes dear?”

Bill paused the game and looked over his glasses at his wife, terrified that his hands would once again have to be soaked with blood after another mission in service of her political ambition, which of course knew no bounds, so evil was she.

“I’ve come up with the latest way to distract from Benghazi and shiv Joe Biden, my now-mortal enemy due to that one poll where I still led him by double digits.”

“Go on, dear, back rub?”

She waved him off, so taken was she with the evil of her very evil plan to make more evil.

“I’ll announce my opposition to the Trans-Pacific Partnership!”

“But Hillary, that’s diabololical, a policy position on a key issue will surely tell Biden to step off in his quest to be president.”

“Exactly, buster. Nobody’s going to get in my way. If I have to lay out a series of policy proposals that lead to me being elected leader of the free world, well by God, I’ll do it. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”

Hours later, Clinton had arranged for an interview on PBS. Of course, she chose PBS because the organization thrived on tax dollars levied on abortions, if you don’t believe that, just Google it.

“I’m on board with TPP,” Clinton told her interviewer, “come at me bros!”