Local Conservative Just Waiting Until Noon So Rush Limbaugh Tells Him What To Think


A local man has told friends and relatives that he will comment on the news of the day “around twelve o’clock or so,” noting that he’s just waiting on syndicated radio host Rush Limbaugh to “tell him how to think.”

Mike Wayne, 43, said he would like to offer his original thoughts on important topics but believes it is “much simpler to have Rush do my thinking for me.”

Associates have noted that Wayne often struggled with pressing national and international issues and seems “relieved” having Limbaugh do the thinking for him. Some have described it as a form of outsourcing, but instead of sending jobs and other human capital abroad, Wayne simply offloads the human ability to think and reason on one’s own to a multimillionaire with racist and sexist views.

“Rush said Obama was an affirmative action communist sympathizer, so I guess that’s what I think too,” Wayne told reporters.