Weekly Standard’s Bill Kristol Suffers Third-Degree Burns After Issuing Hot Take

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WASHINGTON – Bill Kristol, founder and editor of the conservative Weekly Standard suffered third-degree burns after issuing a hot take which complained that Hillary Clinton had not succeded based on merit.

Fire chief Pen Worthington said Kristol had been scarred when people noticed “the guy who owes his political and media career to the fact that his father was a political activist was talking shit about merit.” Worthington said the burns “were indicative of the fact that a simple Google search would show just how full of it Kristol is.”

This is not Kristol first injury due to flaming stupidity. The former Fox News contributor has often suffered harm after issuing statements that were “false,” “wrong,” and “just plain stupid” according to common sense.

Worthington said Kristol had been given a complimentary salve and issued advice to “try and think before you say stupid things for once in your damn life.”

Kristol’s son-in-law, who operates a conservative news site, could not be reached for comment.