Oliver Willis

Joe Biden Detained By Canadian Police After Women’s World Cup Victory

VANCOUVER – Vice President Joe Biden was detained by police after his celebration of the U.S. Women’s World Cup victory.

Captain James Huntsman said Biden was “apprehended in the parking lot of BC Place stadium approximately forty minutes after the match had concluded.”

According to the police report, Biden had painted his head red, white and blue and was parading around only wearing boxer shorts. Eyewitnesses say Biden repeatedly yelled, “Who da champs? We da champs!”

The Vice President was released into the custody of the U.S. Secret Service. Biden reportedly referred to the agent who took him in as “Tony, my best guy. Number one guy!”

Asked for comment, the White House would not speak on the record, but a Senior Administration Official with intimate knowledge of President Obama’s feelings on the matter said, “this is just like the night when we got Bin Laden and he pressed his butt cheeks up against the windows of the Naval Observatory.”