Oliver Willis

Man Refuses To Believe Left Wing Media’s Claim That His 4-12 Football Team Sucks

Josh Gadsen, a life-long fan of the Washington Redskins, refuses to believe reports in the media that his team is terrible.

“I just don’t believe them,” said Gadsen, clad from head to toe in Redskins gear including a vintage Gus Frerrote jersey. “They claim that the team is no good, and that we haven’t had a decent season in decades, but they just refuse to tell the other side of the story.”

When shown the game by game run down of the Redskins’ 2014 season, including the embarrassing 24-0 loss to the St. Louis Rams in week 14, Gadsen insisted it was all “left-wing spin.”

“Who’s to say they didn’t go 16-0 and win the Super Bowl? I’m not a scientist, and neither is this sports writer who probably voted for Obama,” he explained. “I’m tired of these fancy college types insisting their ‘view’ is objective reality. Instead, why can’t we just debate the issue? They say the Redskins have been stuck in nearly a quarter century of futility, unable to make anything beyond a few token playoff appearances. But what if they’ve won every Super Bowl since 1991? Can’t we just debate these things?”

Reached for comment, Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder said he believes that “the media is ignoring the views of people like Mr. Gadsen,” who should be allowed to buy season tickets at an inflated cost if they believe “the franchise actually can win some games instead of tripping all over its genitalia like a drunken sailor.”